A Guy Walks Into the New Normal
I think everyone would agree that we need as much humor as we can find in these crazy COVID times. But one of our primary sources for chuckles, snickers, and guffaws, the “guy walks into a bar” joke, has been shut down as of late because there are no guys walking into bars! So, as a possible solution to get the chortles flowing again, I propose the following template.
Derek Jeter (the guy), wearing a bespoke New York Yankee’s mask, walks into the socially distanced outside seating area of a what used to be a thriving watering hole, during a brief period between mandatory closures. The owner (because there are no employees left so she is literally “Chief Cook & Bottle Washer”) says, “Sorry, we don’t serve MLB Hall of Famers here.
“Why not?!” asks Jeter with his trademark boyish grin, disappointed he can’t even visit a local tavern after being locked up in his multi-million dollar penthouse apartment for three months but hoping his celebrity, wealth, good looks, and charm will change the barkeep’s mind.
“We don’t want anybody who can catch anything,” the socially responsible owner says, a tear briefly glistening on her cheek before it slips beneath her mask because she so desperately needs the business a celebrity patron like Jeter could bring to her struggling small business now that the COVID subsidies are exhausted.
“Whatever,” Jeter scoffs and gets back on his private jet because, well, he lives in Florida now where the bars are still open and it’s mask optional.
